prideful lost ‘final episode’

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, he came rushing into the room, its like he did not change his from his office cloth to sleep, but had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a cab, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. 

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes filled with tears of joy as he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. He looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain… He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his…. I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my heart at that moment. The doctor said by the time they discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in the terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. 

Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: “Prepare for his funeral.”

I disregarded the nurse’s objection not to leave the ward and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. His cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, I thought … the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: “Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now…. I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy’s suggestion … 

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life’s journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mum, she has suffered a lot, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most….” From play school to primary school, to secondary, university? , to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

He has also written a letter for me: “My dear, to marry you was my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you about my illness, because I wanted to see you in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby…. My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me… For all these presents, I’m afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you pls help me in giving some of them to him every year, the dates are on what to be given and when to give are all written on the packaging… 

Going back to the hospital, my husband was still in coma. I brought our son over and placed him beside him. I said: “Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms…” He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face….

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever….” Cruel misunderstandings, one after the other disrupted the blissful footsteps of our family. Our original intent of having his mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny’s secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late.”…… …

This is a true story. 

communication is a great factor that is needed in any form of relationship. 

I won’t talk to him if he doesn’t talk to me, why should i be the first to apologize? i didn’t do anything wrong?

All these are just excuses that won’t benefit the relationship. when you made that vow for better for worse, it was for a lifetime not for after one misunderstanding, then its over. 

when the love is not standing the challenges, when the sex is no longer great, when the body no longer looks great, COMMITMENT is what will hold the bond ”

By Paul Bgn

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